2 Biggest Lies Women Hear

In all of my years of counseling young women, I have noticed that there are two main lies that can sink into a woman’s heart. These lies may have started in their early years, but end up getting amplified with the voice of the enemy. As believers, we are expected to measure what we think against what we know the Bible to say. If we believe that the Bible is the foundation of all truth, then some of these beliefs do not align and should not be adopted.

As believers, we come to know that we are made in the image, and in the likeness of God. As his children, we may be imperfect in our flesh and human nature, however, God does not make mistakes and we are always in a process of becoming more like him and staring away from, our flesh nature. So although we may not have arrived, we are on the process of always becoming, if we are actively pursuing him. This knowing can be disrupted with two big lies. We have an enemy that wants to tear down the becoming process with BIG and little lies. The two little lies that actually are big lies tear us down at the core of who we are meant to be.

The two most common lies that I have identified that they come to believe are these..

1 “you’re too much”

In a myriad of ways, the overarching theme that a woman begins to believe is that she is too much. This lie that can come from childhood trauma, negative feedback from family or relationships, or just an internal self talk narrative is that in some capacity, she is too much.

This can be presented in a multitude of ways. I’ve had women with thoughts that they are “too tall”, “too short”, “too fat”, “too nice “ etc. The phrase that they are too much of anything creates insecurity and a sense of being difficult or undesirable.

Rather than challenging disbelief, it begins to be adopted and accepted. Some therapist may call this a cognitive distortion or a black-and-white thought. The problem with adopting this belief is that we will forever be in pursuit of perfection. The enemy uses that pursuit to keep moving the target. The result is discouragement, shame, and a deep sense of never being good enough.

2 “you’re not enough”

On the other side of the same coin is the belief that she is not enough. Really both of these lies operate on one long spectrum. As soon as she believes the lie that she is too much she will begin to shrink herself only to find that she is, not enough. This sounds like, “I’m not pretty enough”, “ I’m not thin enough”, “ I’m not smart enough”, etc. Eventually, you can see how trying to dial down being “too much“ only lands a woman in the camp of being “not enough”.

In an attempt to be perceived as worthy or good enough, a woman will go to great lengths to improve or change themselves to feel like they are enough. I have seen women bend over backward to be accepted by their family, their partner, or even to be perceived as worthy enough for God.

There is a pursuit for wholeness and perfection that may never be satisfied. It is an exhausting and endless cycle of not getting it “just right”.

The real issue is identity. This is something that we work on in the therapy room. We explore the old beliefs, distortions, and lies that have crept in overtime. We analyze and understand all of the attempts at meeting the internal demands. We explore the feeling a failure at not getting it “quite right“. Eventually, we dig deep to understand where real identity comes from that cannot be shaken. It is such a beautiful moment to see a woman morally understand her worth apart from the mental gymnastics, and the performance of trying to be just right.

In those moments, I get the privilege to watch anxiety melt away and confidence sinking. It is truly a beautiful moment for a client. The client can see how the lies have driven them into unrealistic or unsustainable behaviors. They can also connect with a part of themselves that is worthy, regardless of how their body, their job, their circumstances, change overtime.

The wonder of Christian counseling and integrating our belief in loving God is that it goes beyond learning coping skills and into a deeper exploration of truth and identity.

Don’t be fooled by the lie anymore. You are fearfully and wonderfully made.

~ Ashley